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A close or not-so-close relative announces that he has cancer. We begin to feel a flow of strong emotions all at once-surprise, fear, pain, and despair-and we are not sure how we should respond. Because the subject of serious diseases is still somewhat taboo, the need to adapt communication to new circumstances catches us off guard. As a result, inappropriate questions, impolite comments, unsolicited advice, or fearful silence, which also hurts.
Nowadays, with a growing number of patients facing cancer, half of us, in one way or another, find ourselves in a situation where it will be necessary to choose words and support the dearest person. And although there can be no universal tips and solutions, the basic rules still exist.
Many people do not know how to support a sick person and choose to simply vanish from the horizon, despite the fact that this approach will not help. Even if you can’t find the right words, the most important thing is to stay close. A genuine phrase like “I don’t know what to say, but I am with you” is sufficient. Furthermore, the person will tell you what he thinks is important about the disease and will engage you in a dialogue. It is more important to be silent and listen than to encourage.
People frequently do not report their illness to coworkers for the same reasons: they are afraid of being fired and losing their job. It is possible that colleagues will continue to notice the changes and begin to make assumptions; worse, there are still myths in society, such as cancer being contagious. As a result, a vacuum forms around a sick person, making life even more difficult for him. If such a situation arises in the workplace, it is critical to try to assist the individual. At the same time, you must be sensitive and assess how close you are and how honestly you can communicate. However, if it is possible, show support.
Although a person with a serious illness, especially in old age, frequently feels dependent, for example, in domestic or financial terms, he is not a child; he understands everything and has the ability to make decisions. And it is critical to allow him to make these decisions, even if family members disagree with them. Furthermore, everyone’s priorities differ: one may be more important than life expectancy, while the other may be its quality. Often, loved ones will go to any length to prolong a person’s life, and he only wants to enjoy the remaining months of his life. And if you need to start a new cycle of complex treatment and a person wants to go somewhere he has always wanted to go- make his dreams come true.
Furthermore, even if you want to make a decision as soon as possible, it is critical not to make them feel in rush. There may be a sense that there is no time left, which is sometimes exploited by unscrupulous doctors or clinics that offer expensive treatment without giving a person time to think. Let them still…
We frequently believe that we are wiser and more reasonable than a sick loved one and that we can see things more clearly from the outside. What is important is what this person thinks about his illness and what is going on, not what his friends or relatives think. And if, for example, a person is religious but you are not, you do not need to persuade him; instead, you should redirect your efforts to organizational concerns.
A serious illness causes a great deal of stress and a shift in one’s perspective of the world, and every sick person and his or her family members must first ask themselves philosophical questions “Why should I? For what purpose? “.
But, as the oncologists point out, they soon realize they are not alone — it has reached half of the Facebook feed, and cancer centers are always crowded. There is no need to wonder why this happened; it is important to understand that the disease is neither a personal nor a heavenly punishment. Even the illness of a loved one can be viewed as the most important test that life has given you to determine how much love and compassion you truly possess.
Stories about grandmothers, acquaintances, and second cousins who also had cancer are common reactions to cancer news. Third-party stories, on the other hand, do not help and only tire. Everyone is aware that people have overcome cancer, but their story has nothing to do with a specific case. Friends and family who have experienced a similar diagnosis provide extremely valuable responses and comments. These people do not need to explain their condition, and when they inquire about a person’s well-being, they are primarily concerned with whether he is enduring the disease or is broken.
Attempts to cheer them up with the words “come on, hold on” also fail to produce the desired result. A person who lives with a serious diagnosis and faces numerous inconveniences, as well as pain and treatment side effects, has not given up by default. The phrase “hold on” diminishes all efforts and is, frankly, irritating.
Try to shift your attention away from your own experiences and negative emotions and toward the “working” mode. This is less dramatic than raising your hands and sprinkling ashes on your head, but the benefits are far greater. Take an active position, assess the situation, weigh all of the input data, and begin acting if the level of intimacy and trust with a person allows.
Save him from the unverified and irrelevant information that will inevitably descend from the search results after the initial request.
Every time you feel like you can change the situation, consult the doctor and, which is way important, the psychologist. They will help you out not to fail when taking care of your loved ones.